Ian Coburn Interview

Who Is Ian Coburn

Who is Ian Coburn?

By day, just an average Joe, and at night—a cross between Batman and Spiderman. I’m someone who really enjoys giving people the opportunity to enjoy themselves; I have pretty much done that my whole life. I set out to be a professional trumpet player, and that didn't pan out. Then I started doing standup comedy and did that for 10 years. Began writing screenplays, and most recently, I wrote this book. I play a lot of sports and have a sports league board up that I would like to take national... So as I look back, I realize everything I have done has been about people enjoying themselves. I am all about people having a good time.

Inspiration for Writing His Book

What inspired you to write a book on dating?

Women complaining that guys are clueless. I had no idea how right they were until I got off the road and started making guy friends. I was shocked that they couldn’t tell which women were interested in them, which weren’t, didn’t know how to approach women, couldn’t flirt, told jokes women wouldn’t laugh at, and so forth. So, I wrote a book telling the funny stories I experienced where I learned a lot about women.

Interesting Lingerie Anecdotes, The Monkeys?

Do you have any interesting lingerie anecdotes?

Heh. Yeah. In God is a Woman: Dating Disasters I recall several.

godisawoman.net

Will you indulge us with the one about The Monkeys?

I met The Monkeys in a hotel bar in Syracuse. I told the bartender I know those guys; they look familiar. It was funny, as you can't acknowledge they are The Monkeys. To make a long story short, a couple of really pretty women came in and they could not have been "less" interested. Turns out, they were models. As I was leaving, they asked who the guys were at the bar; they look familiar. Once they found out they were The Monkeys they were all in to me.

Before The Monkeys left, they told the models, oh he's real funny and he's really a good guy, and made me sound like I've known them forever. I was really playing the angle that I hang with The Monkeys all the time. Then I challenged who they were, and they broke down saying, "We'll take you back to the room and you can see our portfolio. You're going to be so sorry."

I went to their room; turns out they got a bunch of free lingerie from a catalog shoot. I took the next step and asked, "Why don't you put on a little fashion show?" They agreed and put some lingerie on but had a rule, "You cannot get off the bed, or the show is over."

I agreed, and they would go in the bathroom, put on lingerie, come back out, go back in, and put something else on. It was a very good time. I did not realize at the time, and this is in the book, that actions speak louder than words, and when a guy is being totally clueless.

If women are putting on a lingerie show for you, there is a pretty good chance you should get off the bed at some point. When I left one of them said, if you had gotten off the bed, we would have had sex with you. Those aren't the exact words, but you get my drift. Then she slammed the door in my face. But, I did learn a lot about lingerie that night.

Is Lingerie Losing Its Appeal

With today's skimpy fashions has lingerie lost some of its appeal?

Lingerie will never lose its appeal. I cannot emphasize that enough. It’s not just that it’s skimpy; it’s more so that something has to be removed to see it. Yeah, guys can see a woman walking down a street in a skimpy outfit and will check her out. But every guy gets to see the lack of clothing. Men are excited by the removal of clothes and the fact that they are the only ones getting to see what’s under those clothes. Lingerie is fine on its own, but watching your women drop your robe to reveal that lingerie or pulling a sweater off over your head, well, that greatly enhances the appeal of the lingerie.

Difference Between Models and Average Women

Concerning lingerie, what is the biggest difference between celebrities or models and the average, attractive woman?

Celebrities get all their lingerie for free. It’s very expensive stuff that many women probably couldn’t afford, or their guys.

The average, attractive woman gets to wear what she wants to wear far more often than a celebrity. She can wear what is comfortable. That’s really too bad for guys, because discomfort would be a great reason to get a woman to remove her lingerie. In fact, when I purchase lingerie for a woman, I ask for the itchiest, most uncomfortable material the store has. “Something that she will just have to tear off, say, oh, three hours into a date; that’s ideal.”

Advice for Men and Women

What advice would you give women on lingerie? Men?

Men: Buy lingerie that is uncomfortable, that will just make her crazy to remove it for the sheer relief of the discomfort. Seriously, men, never buy lingerie for women. Get her a fitting or sneak her favorite pair, show it to the expert at the store and let her find the proper pair for your beloved; otherwise, big trouble looms on the horizon.

Woman: Specialists at lingerie stores will fit women. I encourage women to go in for a fitting to find what is most comfortable for them. There’s no reason for them to live in the discomfort that is sometimes forced upon celebrities. You can wear lingerie that is comfortable; it does exist.

Favorite Lingerie

What is your favorite lingerie style and/or retailer?

It’s hard not to like any of it. I would say my absolute favorite would be the one-piece, either with a splice in the chest that dips all the way down, showing the belly button, or with a chunk of fabric missing in the middle, again revealing the belly button. This is especially appealing to me because it’s rarer. Most women wear the two-piece. Something different always adds a special appeal.

What Men Don't Like

Favorite retailer? They all should receive grants for new and “uplifting” ways to improve their product. Actually, that’s the only one men tend not to like—the pushup bra. It’s disappointing to watch the breasts disappear when the top comes off. You’re better off accentuating what’s there, as opposed to disguising it.

Expensive versus Cheap

Can you tell the difference between expensive and inexpensive lingerie?

You can tell if it's from Sears because of the fabric and stuff, but we're not paying that much attention. We have enough going through our mind. How am I going to unsnap that, how does that work, is there a little cord to pull? We're more interested in how to get it off than where it's from. If you have that going on in a relationship, you have a whole different set of problems.

Do Men Talk?

Do men talk much about lingerie?

No. Guys don't talk about lingerie.

Not even the fiascos?

No there is no way we're gonna (say), "Hey I couldn't figure it out, man." (laugh) I will say there is one thing I've had guys do which is funny. You know how you see a movie where a guy rips someone's panties off or something? I have had a couple guys tell me that they tried that. That never works, you're usually just tugging like an idiot, and it slips out of your hand at some point. They end up yanking the girl around. It hurts and she gets mad. I have yet to meet a guy who is able to rip the lingerie off.

Other than that, we don't talk about much, which is one of the problems and one of the reasons I wrote the book.

Superbowl or Lingerie

After reading your dating advice column in Chicago's WASSUP! magazine, I have to ask: If you had a choice between watching the superbowl or a hottie in the room with lingerie on, which would you pick?

Who is playing in the superbowl? That is the important question. (laugh)

Just for fun: What advice would you say Howard Stern, listed on your Myspace friends, would give on lingerie?

(In a good mock of Stern's voice) "Don't bother with lingerie. Don't bother with clothes, just be naked all the time." I haven't talked to him though.

The Future

What are your plans for the future?

Right now, just continually trying to spread the word about the book. It's getting a lot of praise on Amazon and doing quite well there, knock on wood. Bookstores are shelving it in larger quantities as a result. I’d like to meet “the one” but I’m not trying to force it. Whatever happens, happens, and as you know, I enjoy meeting new people, so dating is fun for me, not grueling like it is to some people.

I’d like to see some of my screenplays get out of “development hell” and find their way to the big screen.

Comments and Ordering Information

Ian was such a pleasure to interview and has awesome insight into clueless men, and women for that matter. Visit Ian on Myspace or at his Web site IanCoburn.com. And don't forget to check out his book on Amazon or better yet at his Web site where $2 will be donated to children with mental illness via NAMI from every copy ordered through his site.

Interview by Donna Porter